What Do You Do when Bad Days Happen?
My five year old, Alyssa, is having a really bad day. As
we all know, bad days happen. It’s been quite a tearful morning. No, she’s not
sick and she’s not hurt. Assuming she just didn’t sleep well, I asked, “Why are
you so sad today?”
“I don’t know,”
she said.
Alyssa is typically a high-spirited, funny, creative and
playful little girl who is full of joy, so this morning was definitely not
herself. She pouted as we went out the door, protested going to pre-school {one
of her favorite places in the land, as she’d say} and broke into sobs as we
pulled up.
Oh, what a tough morning for her and for this mama.
Encouraging resilience
Part of my job as her mother is to help her become
resilient. I am to prepare my children for life, both good days and bad. My
role is to build her up, encourage her, teach her and to console. So through my
own tears that remained well-hidden behind the surface, I told her, “I am so
sorry you are feeling sad today.”
I told her that I know what it’s like to have a bad day
I encouraged her to push a little harder through her morning to see if she
would find a smile after playing with her friends for a little while and
creating her morning art project, which is something she loves to do.
I encouraged her to push through just like we all
sometimes have to do.
It’s okay to not feel okay
I also reassured her and reminded her that I’m on her
side, that it’s okay to not feel okay. I let her know that I believed with
everything in me that her day would get better if she let it and that I am here for her if it
doesn’t.
Promising her that I would be back soon and that I would
come early to pick her up if she needed and that we would get through it
together, I left her to try to fight through it.
I think it’s an important thing to remind that we need
to be gentler. Bad days are going to happen, we’ve all had them. Hard
circumstances and difficult times will arise where we just “can’t even” and we
don’t want to face the world.
Sometimes we need to fight, sometimes we need to feel
Yes, I do believe in fighting it – we need to see if we
can push through it, “turn our frown upside down” and get past it. After all,
the world is still going to turn, the day is still going to pass into night and
everything around us will be business as usual.
I do encourage resilience and a certain level of
stoicism, humankind just wouldn’t survive as a whole if we didn’t aim for that.
But sometimes it’s just not going to work. Sometimes we
are simply “just sad” and we might need to take a break. We might just need to
allow ourselves a day {or more for harder circumstances} to sit in our feelings
for a little while, process them and feel
them.
Life is hard enough without us being so hard on
ourselves.
Feel them out
Feelings are real, they’re ALL going to happen –
sometimes all of them over the course of a single day! The best thing we can
do?
We need to feel them out. All of our feelings are valid
and should be acknowledged, explored and felt. A lot of the emotional and
psychological issues {namely, depression and anxiety} that people {waves hand –
EVEN ME!} deal with circumstantially? They are due to unprocessed feelings we
don’t know what to do with.
Remember - it’s okay
So the next time you’re having a bad day, I want you to
try to bounce back. I want you to try to find your joy and turn it around.
But if that’s not working? I want you to know it’s okay.
I want you to take a break as soon as you are able, find a friend you trust to
talk to and to sit in it for a little bit.
Before the big push, I want you to allow your feelings
to be felt.
Chances are that time you take will bring you back
around stronger than you were before.
And as for Alyssa? There has been no phone call so I
think she found her joy today. If she hasn’t? we’ll snuggle up in a little
while and I’ll let her know It’s okay to not be okay today;
There’s always tomorrow.
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